We embarked for Bespin today. If a year ago I told me what I have been
envolved with, I would not have believed it, or wished it. I hope
that I never ever have to play the part of courtier in a hutt court
for the rest of my life. It was terrible. I still have trouble
going to bed, thinking that some one is once again going to try to
kill me in my sleep.
Also not helping my sleep is the fact that Master Antares has been
waking me up early, and then in the name of training yells at for
hours about the fact I should be lifting small things with my feelings
but that I am not. He doesn’t even give any instructions, he just
towers over me as I sit, with a sour frown of disapproval at my
failure. Why couldn’t I have gotten a instructor like the wise, caring,
philosophical Jedi Masters that were always depicted in holoflics?
All though he is right when he tells me that part of me still does
not believe I am force sensitive. I don’t know, it’s just such a big
change. I have been starting to feel things… It’s hard to make out.
It’s as if I am starting to feel people, places, things as much as see
or notice them. If it was only people’s feelings it would be hard to
sort out from my peoples minor empathic ability, but since I am
feeling, more, it must the Force. I must speak with Jacinn to find out
if this is normal.
I informed Torch and Jacinn of my past. Jacinn had figured out that I
was part of the Voss family, but he did not know about our connection
the Aquillia incident. Needless to say Torch was furious, and
rightfully so. At that moment, as he we holding me by neck, I almost
wanted him to hurt or kill, as if that would bring even the slightest
bit of absolution. But that would be wrong, all we can do is move
forward and find redemption in our future actions. I did hide something
from them. When they asked if the company is supplying the empire like
it did the republic, I told them I don’t know, which is technically true. But,
If I had to wager, I would say knowing my father that they almost certainly
supply the imperial war machine, my father could never pass up that big
of a payday.
Jad is different. I don’t know if his really believes that people refer
to him as “The Shadow” or if he thinks that by spreading
it, he can make his fantasy into reality. What his aims and goals
beyond that are a mystery. I want to trust him, he has not sold us
out when on numerous occasions he could have. Still I am not willing
to trust him with who my family is just yet. Maybe soon I can trust him
that he won’t go running to collect what ever my father is willing to pay
to get back his engineered daughter-heir back.
Radu is a mystery. He is very courage and honorable, not what I would
expect from someone who calls themselves a bounty hunter. I always
envisioned bounty hunters as little better then quasi-legal
kidnappers, but he appears and feels to be on the straight. I hope
we find something that can help him with his quest. Still he needs
to be more out going with the rest of us.
It looks like we will soon be leaving hyperspace, so I guess this entry
must come to a end.